Sugar and Carb Addiction Struggles
I had an interesting few days on my cleanse. Keith and I are doing the SP Purification. Doing this cleanse has brought front and center to my attention that I am very addicted to food. I was feeling depressed last evening (which thank God has not continued) and I really wanted to drive to the store and buy some Utz’s potato chips, the old fashioned style–you know, the ones cooked in lard that I can rationalize to myself that I am making a healthier choice while I munch away and before I know it the whole bag is just about gone? It’s funny, this time for some reason I started humming “No One’s Leaving” by Jane’s Addiction–yes, I listened to Jane’s Addiction in high school–and then that song “Jane Says” came to mind.
“I’m gonna kick tomorrow, I’m gonna kick tomorrow” sings Jane (being quoted in the song). The entire song is incredibly heart-breaking and just a raw depiction of the addicted life. I thought to myself, in no way are potato chips as bad as the addiction that Jane suffered. I vaguely chastised myself for that weak rationalization. Then I pondered the song lyrics for a few more minutes. Carbs and sugar on the one hand…heroin on the other hand…I realized something I already knew. Although one could argue that sugar is comparatively not that “bad”, both sugar and heroin are substances that are used to create a change in brain chemistry. And when under the influence, one is running away from one’s problems. And in running away from dealing with one’s problems, we become stunted in our emotional and spiritual growth. The addicted life is a hollow life. I believe this because I have seen this around me in my life. I am struggling to grow and I am dedicated to growing as a person and it has been running away into–especially foods, but other things too, like daydreaming and idle mindless activities that take me somewhere else for a while–that has been a major barrier to me being the person I want to be in life.
“Jane says I’m going away to Spain, when I get my money saved, gonna start tomorrow.” The addicted life is a life of dreaming for a better tomorrow that never comes because one does not change one’s actions in life to actually achieve the desired goals. One is constantly either indulging in or obsessing about one’s particular fix. I thought about the potato chips again. “Meh.” I said to myself, pondering the awesome crunchy saltiness and actually not wanting it. So I stayed in last night instead and studied Shiatsu, but I did have a sugar-free Klondike bar and some diet coke. Oh well, nobody’s perfect 😀